A Guide to Secret Santa: Do’s and Dont’s
Fretting over your Secret Santa? Relax, we’ve all the tips you need to get it right this Christmas!
As the holidays approach, and someone at work sends out an invitation to the Christmas party, you may think ‘Finally, I can try and get Dave from the Third Floor under the mistletoe!’, or perhaps, ‘Alright—free cocktails on the company!’, even, ‘Hurray, an excuse for a new frock!’ On the flip side, you may also start to fret about that festive minefield: Secret Santa.
But fear not, festive friends. We’ve consulted a bunch of folk, gathering their experiences in the gift-giving trenches. And we have compiled their stories—both good and bad—into a list of wise and handy Dos and Don’ts. Take our elves’ advice, and may the gift-giving force be with you.
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DO…
get something that shows you’ve thought about your recipient
DO…
know that Secret Santa can be surprisingly therapeutic
DON’T…
just get any old thing
DO…
choose your advisor elves carefully!
DO…
be creative with your ideas, and your budget
DON’T…
be inappropriate (really: don’t)
DON’T… be unkind
DON’T… be a
cheapskate!
DO… help
your giftee keep warm
DON’T…
think that a joke present will leave your giftee amused
DO… get something that shows you’ve thought about your recipient
Right then, gang, let’s start with the most important thing. As with all gift giving, the neon-lit, number one rule is to think very carefully about your recipient, and what they’d really like. Sometimes that’s tricky, especially when it comes to Secret Santa, when you may not know your giftee that well. But it’s easy to rustle up some winning tips: by listening to them, and making a mental note of any comments about things they like and enjoy doing. And if that doesn’t work, have a discreet, elfy word with someone who knows them well and may have some good ideas.
Honestly, you’ll get a feeling of marshmallow-y, candy cane sweet satisfaction if you pick a truly successful Secret Santa gift. And to inspire you, here are some of the winners our interviewees excitedly wrapped, or unwrapped:
Sean Leahy
"I used to run a Facebook page called "The 4pm Tea and a Wispa Club", because I like nothing more at 4 in the afternoon, when that sugar fix is required, to have a Wispa and a nice cup of tea [a Wispa is a Cadburys bar made of particularly velvety chocolate]. One year, my Secret Santa got me a new mug, a box of teabags, and about 40 Wispa bars. I could've cried."
Sean Leahy is a London-based Graphic Designer, and also author of children’s book, The Monster Café. Handily, given some of the successful Secret Santa presents we’ve heard about, for gift shopping he advises: ‘Threadless and MySoti are both great for one-of-a-kind T-shirts that you won't find anywhere else.’
Tabatha Stirling
"The best Secret Santa gift I received was Charbonel & Walker Pink Champagne Truffles. Because they are my absolute favourite and someone who I didn’t know especially well remembered. I was very touched."
Tabatha Stirling is a Publishing director, book cover artist, and author of the upcoming novel, Bitter Leaves. Her elfy shopping tips are UK-based www.notonthehighstreet.com and the Literary Gift Company.
Oli Jacobs
"The best Secret Santa I’ve been given was a Minecraft Lego set, as it tickled my inner child’s obsession with Lego."
Oli Jacobs is author of a number of sci-fi novels and eclectic short story collections. His upcoming horror novel, Deep Down There, is currently available for pre-order.
Tim Atkinson
"My favourite Secret Santa gift was a book token, from somebody who clearly knows me very, very well. I love books but am impossible to predict!"
Tim Atkinson is the author of novel The Glorious Dead. An ever-alert gift ninja, he says ‘I tend to buy stuff I (think) I know people will like whenever and wherever I see it.’
Mia, an artist, adds:
Mia Underwood
"I received a set of Winsor and Newton Promarkers. My favorite felt tips!"
Mia Underwood is a Designer, Illustrator and author of a number of books, including My Felted Friends and the forthcoming The Secret Woodland Activity Book (incidentally, a perfect gift for kids age: 4 to 11 years old!).
Here’s Judy, with a trio of enthusiastically-received marvels:
Judy Long
"The best Secret Santa gift I’ve given was a genuine fox stole. (Sorry PETA people.) You know, those things old ladies used to wear with actual foxes biting each other? They had little glass eyes and real claws and tails . . . Found it at a charity sale. It went to an office mate known for her thrift-shop chic. She was ecstatic!
Another one, given to our boss, who always ended his memos with the words, “Let’s Talk”: a red T-shirt with LET’S TALK emblazoned on it. (This was before custom T-shirts were readily available.) Stroke of genius. He ripped off his shirt right there at the office Christmas party and donned the T-shirt.
The best Secret Santa gift I received was a t-shirt bearing the inscription HAMPTONS LOWLIFE. Because (a) It’s funny. There are no “lowlifes” in the fashionable Hamptons, but if there were, I would side with them against the wealthy parvenus who are gentrifying the place out of existence. And (b) because the giver of the gift certainly knows me, my sense of humor and what I like—and that’s the secret of gift giving, sussing out who your recipient really is."
Judy Long is a Retired copy chief, The Nation magazine, New York City. Her go-to shop for quirky gifts is Flying Tiger.
There must be something about T-shirts… Here’s the best Secret Santa gift Oli’s given:
Oli Jacobs
"A T-shirt with William Burroughs on the front. I had learnt over time the person was a huge fan, so thought it was the apt thing to do…"
And some corkers given to the culinary-minded…
Fiona Stocker
"My uncle is a great cook and we love getting in the kitchen together, but he always used ready-grated Parmesan on pasta – the stuff that smells of very dodgy and not at all appetising. I gave him a dinky little Parmesan grater with attached cheese-catching bowl. He loved it and uses it all the time – with proper Parmesan! His family is grateful too."
Fiona Stocker is author of recently published memoir, Apple Island Wife and co-owner of a ‘tiny family farm’ in Australia. Her local Red Cross shop ‘is my favourite as it has leftover stock from boutiques and you can pick up something stylish and unworn for a fraction of the usual cost. They keep accessories too, like handbags – perfect for gifts.’
Julia Kite
"A co-worker said her favorite part of Christmas was baking, so I got her a set of biscuit cutters shaped like ninjas in various fighting poses. All it takes it a bit of icing to create your very own ninja-bread men, and then you can make them invade your gingerbread house or fight each other to the crumbly end. Never stop playing with your food. That’s why it’s there."
Julia Kite is a transportation policy advisor in New York City, and author of novel The Hope and Anchor. Her shopping tip? ‘Fish’s Eddy is my favourite place for whimsical housewares. Everyone can use a few more glasses, especially if you’re prone to breaking a few after eggnog. They have lots of cool New York-related designs.’
Michael Daniels
"The best-received Secret Santa gift I’ve given was a collection of flavored beers for colleague who liked beer."
Michael Daniels lives in London and works in Marketing research. His excellent tip for gifts that truly give is www.musthavegifts.org.
And on the subject of foodie gifts, as one Christmas approached, a chap I was working with was known to be on a raw meat diet. Imagine his surprise when he opened his gift, to find a bag of raw meat, which his Secret Santa had hilariously, and thoughtfully, sourced from a local butcher. Everyone at the party was tickled, and the meat-eater was one happy chappie (apparently he’d eaten it all within 24 hours).
DO… know that Secret Santa can be surprisingly therapeutic
In addition to showing thought as to what your giftee might like, you might be able to conjure up an idea which is also heartening, and in this example from Abby, brightens their life in a way you wouldn’t expect a Secret Santa necessarily could:
Abby Hitchcock
"I have a 94 year old friend (we've been in an Alexander Technique class together for the better part of 20 years). She uses a walker. They are such dull looking instruments. Well having admired my faux flowers on my bike basket (I ride around on a vintage 3-speed bike adorned with colorful fake flowers), it came to me that she should have some on her walker. She loved them. But it was more than that. People stop her because of the flowers on the walker. She ends up chatting away. She has said repeatedly that it is one of the best presents she has ever received. Considering her age, this is quite a compliment. She even wrote about it in her writing group and gave me a copy. The flowers cost me less than $5 but her happiness is priceless!"
Abby Hitchcock is a Chef, and Owner of New York City restaurant, Camaje. Here’s her shop tip: ‘I love practical gifts and I think The Grommet is awesome for those.’
And if your giftee is in the midst of a rough patch, your present may mean more to them than you think.
Tabatha Stirling
"I gave a Chanel lipstick to an older woman who was feeling very sorry for herself. I seem to remember she’d being going through a very painful divorce. There’s something about a Chanel Rouge that makes almost every woman feel better about herself :) "
And while joke gifts can fall flat (more on that in a moment), they can sometimes have a sweet thought behind them which will tickle the recipient:
Lucy Stevenson
"A “grow your own boyfriend” was a rather amusing novelty secret Santa gift one year after a string of bad first dates."
Lucy Stevenson wears a multi-talented handful of hats: pub waitress and mental health support worker, she’s also a keen photographer.
Though beware causing rather than relieving stress...!
Michael Daniels
"I was given a small bat with ball attached with elastic. Great stress reliever as long as you avoided smashing yourself in the face!"
DON’T… just get any old thing
I know, I know—it can be really tricky to pick a good gift. Especially when your recipient is Beth from Marketing’s girlfriend, who you’ve never even met. But try and get some insider intel—and don’t just leave it ‘til the last minute!
Virginia Moffatt
"I am rubbish at Secret Santa. I once gave someone cheese because I was rushing to get to the Christmas do when my kids were small, it didn’t go down well."
Virginia Moffatt is a procurement and contracts manager, and author of Echo Hall. No doubt relatable for many readers, she doesn’t have any gift store suggestions, saying ‘I am the WORST person in the world to ask this as I hate shopping.’
If you’re really out of ideas, try to choose something nicely designed, and useful… Not a leftfield gift that’s likely to crash and burn:
Oli Jacobs
"The worst Secret Santa I received was a kung-fu movie on DVD. It was one of those cheap ones from the 70s, and to be honest, is a genre I have no interest in. I think it’s now propping up my shelves somewhere…"
Remember that your taste isn’t necessarily going to be theirs:
Abby Hitchcock
"The worst Secret Santa gift I received was some really ugly clothing that I would never in a million years wear but had to since it was given by a coworker!!"
And while some presents can seem safe, they might fall into the generic, thoughtless category (eek):
Mary Monro
"I detest scented candles – they are the sump of the unimaginative in my opinion."
Mary Monro certainly has many talents: she is an osteopath, an experienced lecturer, presenter, and author of technical and academic articles. She also recently published her first book Stranger In My Heart.
DO… choose your advisor elves carefully!
Getting insider intel on an appropriate gift is an excellent plan. But beware naughty elves who may want to steer you wrong! As Sean here can attest:
Sean Leahy
"Someone at my current job bough me Arsenal pyjamas. Two separate people advised them this would be a great gift. I support Tottenham."
DO… be creative with your ideas, and your budget
While Secret Santa gifts are intended as a token of festive cheer, and it can seem silly to spend too many dollars on something your recipient may well not like (plus of course, few of us have money to burn), you can feel as though your options are limited by a reduced budget. But don’t fret: there are plenty of ways to be creative...
One of my own favourite—and successful—Secret Santa gifts I’ve given had a £5 limit. I was working as a holiday staffer at a local bookshop, so hadn’t known any of the gang there very long. I knew the guy I was buying for was very politically-engaged—and a tip off from a colleague was that he was a big fan of chocolate, which inspired a Good Idea (I was ludicrously, elfily pleased with this, if I say so myself). I bought a Lindt chocolate reindeer and chocolate Santa—then found a photo of my recipient’s favourite political figure (handily, the grey-hair and bearded Jeremy Corbyn—coloring just like Saint Nick!), and superimposed his face onto Santa’s. It looked ace and went down a treat.
Mary Monro
"I was given a pocket mirror – the instruction was ‘beauty’ and the budget £5. It was so clever and charming!"
Though try not to inspire a riot, like Sean...
Sean Leahy
"At one place where there was a £5 limit, I was able to find a really nice sandwich toaster that had been reduced to that. There was a slightly dramatic and quite physical altercation between two people that wanted it!"
And of course, it’s always good to inject a little creativity into the Secret Santa proceedings, whatever the budget.
Mia Underwood
"I always give handmade secret santa gifts. Last year I gave a hand painted laser-cut wooden bird hanging ornament, to hang on the Christmas tree or an all year round decoration. It was a man who received the gift, he didn’t seem that enthusiastic about it but I believe his wife loved it."
Virginia Moffatt
"A present that I received looked like a pile of material but cleverly zipped together to make a purse/bag. I loved it because it was fun and different and was given to me by my dear thoughtful friend, Karen. She’s a wonderful poet and the gift was typical of her creativity."
And even something that could fall the wrong side of creative might end up being a winner, as Steve and Judy can attest, sharing the best Secret Santa gifts they’ve received:
Stevyn Colgan
"A Japanese Santa crucifix (apparently when the Japanese started to celebrate Christmas they got the whole Jesus/Santa thing mixed up). Now they all go to KFC. True."
Stevyn Colgan is a writer who has published eight brilliantly diverse books, including recent murder mystery novel, A Murder to Die For. He has also written for BBC TV and radio.
Judy Long
"A large plug-in picture, superimposed on a mirror, of New York City at sunset. The skyscraper windows light up as the sun sets accompanied by the cries of seagulls and lapping river waves. Gives the word “garish” new meaning. HOWEVER, as you might have already guessed, its hideousness eventually endeared it to me. I now love this worst-ever gift. It has pride of place on my kitchen wall."
DON’T… be inappropriate (really: don’t)
When the responses to our Secret Santa questions started rolling in, I was astonished at some of the answers...
Fiona Stocker
"Unbelievably, a man I worked with once gave me a soft porn video. It disappeared later in the day after we’d all made it back to the office and people were distracted, what with the drinking and all. I was told one of the scungy men from the print department took it. He was welcome to it! That man who gave it to me would have zeroed out in my estimation but he was already at rock bottom due to having a complete absence of personality. We didn’t really get on. Hence the present."
Virginia Moffatt
"An Ann Summers jelly dildo. It was at a PTA Christmas dinner. Some of the members were a bit wild and lairy and I loved them, but sex toys are really not my style."
Tabatha Stirling
"I worked for a large media company when I first came to London and #MeToo wasn’t even on the horizon. Every year the women would be given some kind of humiliating, smutty gift. Edible briefs—that sort of thing. Made us all massively uncomfortable."
I mean, sure, Secret Santa can be fun, but this isn’t the way to go, kids. That not one, not two, but three of our interviewees had been given such gifts somewhat boggled my mind. Opening a smutty gift in front of all your colleagues can be uncomfortable, embarrassing, even humiliating. You would hope that these days common sense would prevail (hmm!), but just in case anyone needs a reminder, gifts like these will never be a good idea for Secret Santa (and will likely result in HR wanting a word with you).
DON’T… be unkind
Julia Kite
"The worst Secret Santa gift I received was a giant box of Nerds. Don’t get me wrong, I love sugar in all its forms, but I got it in high school where I was widely known as the swot and the symbolism wasn’t lost on me."
Aside from the fact that Santa will be keeping an eye on who’s been naughty and nice, there’s never any excuse for being mean or hurtful. Don’t be that person. There’s enough dreariness in the world—just be kind.
DON’T… be a cheapskate!
Lucy Stevenson
"One Christmas, in a work secret Santa, I received nothing from my secret Santa because although they had put their name in the hat, they were too frugal to contribute!"
I mean, seriously, folks, this is the height of Bah Humbug-ness! Partake in the festive cheer, why don’t you. And given that you’re likely to be receiving something, not reciprocating is bad form (plus somewhere, an elf will cry itself to sleep at night, thinking of your meanness).
DO… help your giftee keep warm
If asked, a friend I used to work with insisted on being given socks as a Secret Santa gift. That was his absolute favorite: practical, and yet fun because anyone who obliged his wish would always pick jolly designs (one year he received a pack of Muppets socks, which went down a storm). And Tommy has experienced a double-whammy of success with warming gifts:
Tommy Stewart
"The best Secret Santa I received were some lounging shoes that warmed the feet manually and a Swiss Army Knife Flashlight. It was a combo gift. The shoes were like an electric blanket for your tootsies. The best gift I gave was hand warmers. They were well received because nothing feels better when the wind is freezing and there is snow on the ground like having toasty hands."
Tommy Stewart is a Freelance Comedy Writer/Producer and Broadcaster. For gifts he opts for all-rounders such as Amazon or Ebay, and says ‘Walmart or Walmart.com seems to have everything these days, too.’
Incidentally, on the subject of Swiss Army Knives…. It seems practical presents are a good way to go. Here’s the best Secret Santa gift Abby has received:
Abby Hitchcock
"A Swiss Army knife!! I carry it with me wherever I go! Bonus: a former Eagle scout gave it to me, seems extra appropriate! I love practical gifts!"
But back to the warming gifts... you might want to choose yours carefully, given these gents’ responses when asked about the worst Secret Santa gift they’d been given:
Tim Atkinson
Socks... and the wrong size socks, at that.
Michael Daniels
"A knitted snood. Why the worst? Because it was a flipping knitted snood :-( "
(for those of you old enough to remember, this may send you hurtling back in time to the 80s. And may conjure an image of often snood-adorned popster, Nik Kershaw. I think mall-frequenting songstress Tiffany may have been a snood fan, too...).
DON’T… think that a joke present will leave your giftee amused
Tim Atkinson
"I went through a stage of giving 'joke' presents (choosing the most inappropriate gifts I could as a rebellion against being taken to task for choosing badly...) and they were all hil-a-rious... to those of us watching."
Stevyn Colgan
"The worst Secret Santa gift I was given was a piece of paper that said ‘Secret’."
A company I worked at had a much-mentioned cautionary tale. One year a member of staff had been given blow-up toast (seriously, who knew such a thing existed?) and was distinctly unimpressed. This Legend of the Inflatable Toast cast a long shadow.... It had happened before I was at the company, but the infamous inflatable seemed to be mentioned every year, as employees were encouraged to pick something more thoughtful, and less wasteful.
Plenty of prank gifts still sneaked into Santa’s Sack, though. As someone who will witter on, grumpily, about certain (in my opinion) pointless celebrities, I suffered two (I know, two!) occasions of being merrily needled by a Secret Santa. One year I was gifted a book written by one of my most loathed celebs—which to be fair, was funny, and gave everyone a chuckle, plus the Secret Santa had sweetly tucked a gift receipt inside so I could swap the book for another that I actually did want. The second time was funny, too—a cheap DVD and biography combo, which made for a laugh at the Christmas party—but ended up going straight to goodwill. It may be a slightly po-faced point, but given the finite resources of our planet, buying cheap nonsense that no-one needs is a habit we should get out of.
So there we have it… hopefully these tips ‘n’ tales have left you ready to swing into Secret Santa-ing action. Of course, we’d love to hear your tales of elfy success (or horror) stories!
Thanks again, everyone! And thank YOU too for reading. We wish you all a very Merry Christmas!